Looking back on 2012

So it has been over a year since I last posted, and a lot has changed since then.

The patience exercise proved to be fruitful and I count it as one of the greatest blessings in my life

I was humbled by failure

I went to Europe and saw 7 countries in 10 days (separate post to come...when I learnedfind my pictures and remember exactly what I did)

I made so many new and amazing memories with my madness <3

And lastly, I was sentenced to 6 weeks vacation work on a power station. Okay maybe I wasn't sentenced....it's a degree and bursary requirement blah blah blah, but thank you eskom for placing me in the most dull place :/

I do think that 2012 was all in all a good year, SO many ups and downs along the way but I learned a lot and met some ridiculous people.

Cheers to the past, time to look forward

Changes (this i wrote halfway through last year but forgot to publish it...oops)

There are times in life when more things are changing than are staying the same. A water fight gone wrong. A friend forgetting. Someone shattering every hope and dream by asking one simple question. The things which used to occupy every minute are now found repulsive. People previously unknown become the very ones who form the tightest team ever seen.

This change is something that I didn’t notice until it had already happened. One change in particular has left me feeling a little hurt, but then I turn around and stop looking at the negativity column and I see that my positive change column is running onto the next page already.

I’m glad the water fight put an end to the ridiculous situation that was going down, because I was about to get myself into trouble which I may not have been able to get out of. I have no idea what possessed me to be so inquisitive, but whatever it was showed its ugly face as he turned around.

It seems as if overnight I have found a new source of joy and energy and I could not actually care about the hurt that trivial issues cause. I know that my roots are firmly planted and no matter how strong the wind I will not be uprooted.

Your love it broke my fall
It's more than enough and I need it
'Cause I've never known better
And I'll never know better
My Saviour, You'll never let me go
My life is now secure

These words seem to be speaking to me in a way I cannot understand or explain.

The change in my life is absolutely radical. I am so excited yet terrified at the same time. I know that things are going to be different this year, but I am on a mission. A mission that will take me into places I would not have wanted to go before. A mission that will change me from the inside out. A mission that will require obedience. A mission to serve.

Our God is greater
Our God is stronger
God you are higher than any other
Our God is Healer
Awesome in power
And if our God is for us
then who could ever stop us
and if our God is with us
then what could stand against?

I Serve a Great God. Nothing will separate me from His love and mercy. I love Him with all my heart and I accept the change He is bringing into my life.

#BlackBand

Patience

If you know anything about me, you will know that I am a very impatient person. I really don’t like having to wait for anything. It does mean that I get a lot more done than somebody who is willing to sit around and wait for something to happen by itself.

It is occurring to me, as the days and weeks roll past while I look on in frustration, that maybe my impatience is stopping me from seeing other things along the way. Good things come to those who wait, but, to be fair, I’ve been waiting for three months and almost nothing has changed, and I don’t know what to do. Usually I’ll just get out there and do something about the situation to move things along but this time I really just can’t-no matter what.

I actually do not know how to do it, and it is honestly the most difficult thing I have ever had to do because I have to do it alone. My friends are great in supporting me and encouraging me but how much long do I have to wait? The time is coming when I’m going to give up and move on because the waiting will have turned into wasting.

I know that I'm not running my own plans or according to my own time but this whole thing is beginning to feel more like punishment than a lesson.

Life is not supported in stagnant water. And right now things seem stagnant, and it’s frustrating. However, a wetland (Which purifies and adds oxygen to water) appears to be stagnant because the flow rate is rather low. Maybe this is what is supposed to happen, maybe all the bad stuff needs to be pulled out and good things added before the entire process can speed up.

Yes, taking time to smell the roses is very nice. But when you spend so much time breathing them in sooner or later you’re going to get a thorn in your finger. Getting thorns in my hands is now old news and I want something different. Maybe I’ve been grabbing the roses instead of being careful and slowing down.

I rate that I’ve just found what I need to do.

I need to get off this lightning train and be going slowly enough to hold my rose with hurting it or getting hurt.

The Power of the Human mind

Some things to note before I get to the point:

• The word human in the title is pretty significant.
• If anything in this posts reminds you of someone then "any correlation between this story and persons living or dead is purely incidental"
• If not, then this is based on a true life experience.

Underneath layers of hair, skin, gross blood and tissue stuff, a pretty tough bone and a few membranes is this "grey matter" which we've learned about since pre-school. It allows us to ride bicycles, speak, draw, write, communicate, and most importantly, it keeps us alive. Yet we're told that we only use 7% of our brain (or something like that anyway). Personally, I think I use the left over bits to store information like addresses and phone numbers (which i probably shouldn't remember), bits of conversations,  perfect moments frozen in time which I would like to remember in the future, people's eye colour, silly things they've said, song lyrics, film quotes etc. Although I'm pretty sure that there is about 50% of mine which is still unused.

Remember when I said that the human part was important? Well here's why:

One of the things that set us apart from any other species is our ability to feel complex emotions. Sometimes we can feel more than 2 things at one time and that is pretty confusing, yet, somehow we don't overheat and meltdown into a little puddle of person which people have to step over. Granted we do have high and low points in our life, I'll be the first to admit that.

I do spend a lot of time analysing and over-analysing extremely trivial things which is annoying, but I guess it is a kind of brain gym, for my "keep-it-together" side. Also, I'm not the only person who sits and does this. My most common obsession is sitting for the weekend wondering what I could have done differently that week (in terms of certain issues/people/subjects) and then on Monday, I realise that it actually made very little difference anyway (irritated face). But sometimes this wasted time teaches us valuable lessons, and every now and again, there is that positive outcome (that 'yes') which makes all of it seem so worthwhile.

Unleashing the Power

"The power of the human mind" is probably a chapter in 8 out of 10 self-help books. Yes "if you believe it, you can do it" and other cliché phrases as such are helpful, but what about the POWER? Those books tell you how to utilize it, but what is this power actually?

This power can take the simplest conversation and turn it into a confession of love or a declaration of disinterest depending on the chemicals floating around in the brain at that time.

This power can suspend a mother's belief that "women can't lift cars" if her baby is trapped underneath it.

This power can make you forget.

This power can allow you to keep fighting when all else is against you.

This power can open your eyes.

This power made me believe.

This power is me.

A thousand times before, I've wondered if there's something more #rain

The Dark and Twisties

Welcome back, Dark and Twisties. You've been gone from my life for such a long time now and I hadn't even missed you for one day. No, please, come inside and take over my thoughts and perceptions. Who doesn't enjoy looking through a curtain of despair? I really do enjoy seeing the negative in everything and missing the small, shining bits of hope. I don't mind being ignored by the one person who I want to hear from most. And most of all, thank you for bringing this serious face to cover up my smile, don't want anyone to see that now, do we?
Bazinga...GO DIE!

I don't know how I feel about Friday. When I see him, all this doubt will disappear as usual, but what happens on Friday night? What then? Do I go home with the hope which was alive inside of me the whole day or will it just be temporary?
I know that that boy really is awesome, and I know that he takes work really seriously, most of all, I know that once I get focused, I'm the worst at accidental silent treatment.
I need to be in that place again where, if I close my eyes, the noise of the traffic stops, the whining of the kid next door stops, who said what about who doesn't matter, and all I can think about is how wonderful the Cross actually is and how awesome and consuming is the Love that my Lord has for me.
Colossians will be my inspiration for a while "Set your hearts on things above"

Ginsberg's Theorem

So while studying Chemistry (bleak) I came across Gingsberg's theorem which goes like this:
Thermochemistry and thermodynamics are part of this game we play with the following rules:

1. You can't win
2. You can't break even
3. You can't get out of the game

Sounds like one of those competitions where you sms in to win and even though you NEVER EVER do win anything, they keep teling you that you have, and 3 years later you're still getting notifications from some warehouse in Nigeria.

Timing

Timing seems to be the key to everything. The wrong place at the wrong time, the right place at the right time... As said in HIMYM, "If you have chemistry, the only other thing you need is timing"

If I have learned one thing about myself it is that when the moment get serious and it's time for me to man-up and face the music, I like to chicken out, always wondering what it would have been like if I simply cast my fears aside and got caught up in the rush.

This time I won't.

This time I will stand up and face it.

My time is now...

*ASIDE: Language can be a funny thing too. Afrikaans really is a dying language but without it some things in life would not make sense.

*Time with the fisherman is time well spent*